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Sep. 24th, 2006 @ 11:54 pm
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i felt kinda creative the other day, i need to start writing again.
he said he wasn't like anyone else and wasn't normal... but what is normal? everyone is different in their own way and there is no ideal person. no one is perfect , everyone is messed up in their own life but time goes on and no one really stated what normal was. no ones normal. |
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Sep. 19th, 2006 @ 05:23 pm
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I'm on the train going back home to long island. I'm really starting to hate it there, its like a totally different world or something like that. it just hit that I really wanna get out of there but I know it won't happen for awhile.. I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life and what I want to go for school for. I love being in brooklyn but I don't think I would be able to handle it on my own and I know for a fact I would be scared to walk around and take the subways by myself due to what has already happened.. people hitting on me, people asking me to talk to them for alittle bit, bums following me and then the best seven 14 year olds hitting on me and trying to follow me into mookie's apt to talk to me... like wtf. sunday night I go outside for a cigarette and two men say goodnight to me so being nice I also said goodnight and then they ask me if I'm busy and I say yeah I am.. they ask me if I have a couple of minutes and I say no then they finally walk away... then one really creepy guy stops right in front of me and starts checking me out.. I was a little freaked out so called mookie to come outside with me... then I wore his friends gym shorts, his teeshirt and hoodie outside and pretended to be a boy... there was no one outside the next time which made me happy... this entry was really random cause I'm that bored. |
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Sep. 14th, 2006 @ 08:09 am
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I love when I do random things like come all the way to the city to meet up with an amazing guy. came out last thursday night and again tonight to spend time with him and I'm at his job waiting for him to get off and then go to brooklyn.... hopefully it won't be 8am.. I need my sleep I have to catch a train around 11 tomorrow to make it back in time for work... I was so scared to go on the subway by myself I survived even though I wanted to cry and it was worth it.... I think my luck has finally turn around <3. |
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Aug. 17th, 2006 @ 09:41 pm
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i got bored..
Last 24 hours
01. Had sex?: nope
02. Bought Something?: food and drinks, storage things so i can clean my room, a toy for my dog and an eyelash curler.
03. Gotten sick?: almost did cause a little girl threw up right near me at work.
04. Sang?: yes
05. Been kissed?: no
06. Eaten something? yeah a lot.
07. Felt stupid?: nope.
08. Talked to an ex?: yeah, i'm still friends with most of them.
09. Missed someone?: kinda.
10. Hugged someone?: katie.
Last person who:
01. Slept in your bed: lenny but that was a really long time ago.
02. Saw you cry: alex.
03. You went to the movies with: tom
04. You went to the mall with: joey.
Have You Ever?:
01. Said "I Love You" & meant it?: yes
02. Got in a fight with your pet?: my dog likes to bite me.
03. Been to California?: nope
04. Been to Mexico?: nope
05. Been to China?: nope
06. Been to Canada?: yeah
07. Been to Europe?: nope
Random:
01. Do you have a crush on someone?: nope
02. What books are you reading now?: i don't like to read.
03. Worst feeling in the world?: being ignored.
04. Future kids names: autumn... not sure about a boy
05. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: no but i sleep with my arm around a pillow.
06. What's under your bed?: ex boyfriend boxes and random things.
07. Location?:my room.
08. Piercing/Tattoos?: tons... ears, belly button, nose and six tattooes.
09. Do you drink?: sometimes.
10. What are you most scared of right now?: everything
11. Where do you want to get married?: i have no idea.
12. Who do you really hate?: no one really i just dislike some people.
13. Do you have a job?: yeah it sucks.
14. Do you like being around people?: most of the time.
15. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? yeah i guess.
17. Are you lonely right now? kinda.
18. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: i don't have one.
20. Played strip poker?: no
21. Gotten beaten up?: nope
22. Done an all-nighter?: yeah
23. Been on radio/TV?: yeah
24. Been in a mosh-pit?: nope
25. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: no
26. Skinny dipped?: yeah.
27. Made sweet love in the back of a voltzwagon?: nope |
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Aug. 16th, 2006 @ 08:46 pm
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i come home and my dad says get your numbers off your phone i'm canceling it tomorrow.. i swear i hate him so much. last night i was told i'd have two weeks to save money and get my own plan but my dad is such a dick and telling my mom shes not aloud to co-sign.. like wtf im going to pay my fucking phone bill i just can't get it by myself because i have really bad credit at the moment.. it isn't my fucking fault he didn't switch my phone over on his plan five months ago.. its all his fault i get 300 to 500 dollar phone bills and its not my fault that my brother left without fixing my computer so now i use aim on my phone because my computer freezes every fucking second...
im so pissed and venting this out didn't help at all. |
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so i'm just about to go to bed and i hear alot of noise outside, walk out the door and see police cars, fire trucks and ambulances. turns out someone hit a pole... now how is that possible i have no idea. my road is straight and has street lights. people are lame.
Aug. 14th, 2006 @ 01:59 am
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the summer is almost over and im upset i didn't do anything amazing.
i need something to rememeber and it has to happen quick.
Aug. 2nd, 2006 @ 10:24 pm
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no more canada and im fucking pissed.
Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 10:36 am
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i've been so busy lately and its good.
prom was alot of fun and so was after at cedar point.
didn't go to graduation cause i had a fever of 101.
i heard it sucked anyway.
i've been working like crazy, but its okay because im only working four days next week.
im going to cananda. im so excited about that, i can't wait anymore.
tons of pictures when i get back.
Jul. 6th, 2006 @ 10:03 pm
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i have such a busy week.
tonight is jeffrey's prom.
tomorrow's my prom, then camping afterwards.
work at one on friday. i don't want to go.
guaduation hopefully saturday, if it rains then sunday.
i don't think i've ever had this much stuff to in such a short period of time.
there will be tons of pictures.
Jun. 21st, 2006 @ 03:28 pm
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i need to start taking care of myself better..
im driving myself nuts with all these thoughts in my head,
not getting enough sleep or enough to eat isn't helping either.
i feel so weak because of all of this and losing six pounds and three days doesn't help me at all. im just not hungry and when i get hungry i don't have time to eat..
i think this weekend im going to try and get myself better and figure myself out and then worry about alex because he is doing fine.
Jun. 1st, 2006 @ 11:14 pm
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yesterday and today consisted of buying alex tons of things and going to visit him in the hospital. from 11:30 in the afternoon till almost one in the morning.. my body is aching so bad from sitting and laying down in very uncomfortable chairs.. im just happy my boy is okay.. just thinking about like what could have happened and what would i do and all this crazy shit that is about to drive a hole through my head. i would have stayed the night like i wanted and was going to but the nurses wouldn't bring me any pillows or blankets. that would have made me feel less uncomfortable. i just need some sleep cause i have work and school in the morning.. but if no one can stay there tonight i'll go.. its nothing to me.. i really care about this boy and i hope he knows that.
i called my mom to tell her that i was going to spend the night and of course i get yelled at and told im not aloud to.. but i don't care what she says anymore.. and she doesn't understand me or my way of thinking..
the people i have in my life are the most important thing. i would bend over backwards for them.. even though its only a couple of kids. but in my eyes if my friend is hurt or having a bad day i'll be right there and drop everything im doing to make them feel better...
if people actually knew the real me and not the rumors then they would know... my life is not as important as the people around me..
im just glad that hes okay and want him to know i'll do anything for him.
its time for bed if i can put my mind to sleep.
May. 31st, 2006 @ 01:45 am
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thank god hes okay.
May. 30th, 2006 @ 08:16 am
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i got my nose pierced today, i don't know if i like it though. it was such a random thing, just figured hey i have 30 bucks to spare instead of giving it to my mom.. shes going to be so pissed when she sees me in the morning... it might sound like this.... what were you thinking blah blah blah you needed to give me money for cigarettes and you blew it on that... get out of my house? hope not.. whatever i wanted to add alittle something crazy to my life.
May. 22nd, 2006 @ 12:52 am
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its finally here, my birthday! im excited to be 18.
May. 15th, 2006 @ 03:35 am
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my birthday's in nine days,
im so excited.
i can get a credit card to buy some clothes,
and i'll be able to actually drive other then work and school.
i have no idea whats going on such as plans.
me, katie and sarah wanna go to a club.
don't know who else is coming.
gotta figure that out real soon.
May. 6th, 2006 @ 09:03 am
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catching up with old friends is one of the best things thats happened,
this is a good turn around.. i was getting sick and tired of things going down hill.
and being able to actually talk to someone and not be alone is the most wonderful feeling.
Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 11:12 pm
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im having one of my moments again when i over look everything and just get miserable. it totally sucks, without a doubt. i need for all of this to just go away. i can't stand feeling like this and its not going to change anytime soon because with this problem it will never get fixed.. if only i had my best friend to talk to things wouldn't be so hard. it sucks not having anyone around you and things aren't going to change because this is how its going to be.. i need to get off of this island soon or im seriously just going to lose it for good.
Apr. 17th, 2006 @ 12:23 am
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i need to go prom dress shopping!!!
Mar. 11th, 2006 @ 01:35 am
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yesterday my dad was being so mean and now today's he washed my car, put air in the tires and put gas in the car even though its like full. my dad is nuts, but i like it when hes like this.
Feb. 4th, 2006 @ 11:08 am
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